Celebrate Recovery - Sexually Dependent

  Yes No
1.Have you ever thought you needed help for your sexual thinking or behavior?
2.Have you ever thought that you'd be better off if you didn't keep "giving in"?
3.Have you ever thought that sex or sexual simulation is controlling you?
4.Have you ever tried to stop or limit doing what you felt was wrong in your sexual behavior?
5. Do you resort to sex in order to escape, relieve anxiety, or because you can't cope?
6.Do you feel guilt, remorse, or depression afterward?
7.Has your pursuit of sex become a compulsion?
8.Does your pursuit of sex interfere with relations with your spouse?
9.Do you have to resort to images or memories during sex?
10.Does an irresistible impulse arise when the other party makes sexual advances, or when sex is offered?
11. Do you keep going from one relationship or lover to another?
12.Do you feel the right relationship would help you stop lusting, masturbating, or being so promiscuous?
13. Do you have a destructive need - a desperate sexual or emotional need for someone?
14. Does the pursuit of sex make you care less for yourself or the welfare of your family or others?
15. Has your effectiveness or concentration decreased as sex has become more compulsive?
16. Do you lose time from work to pursue sex?
17. Do you turn to a lower environment when pursuing sex?
18. Do you want to get away from the sex partner as soon as possible after the act?
19. Although your spouse is sexually compatible, do you still masturbate or have sex with others?
20. Have you ever been arrested for a sex-related offense?

What is your score?

Did you answer YES to at least 10 or more times? If so, you might consider exploring this area of recovery.

The Problem

Sexual addiction is progressive. It can begin as a little flirtation or a "curiosity." When we cross a line, it sets us in motion to cross the next line more easily. Ask the adulterer, ask the prostitute, ask the slave to the internet when and how they started, and how it has affected their lives." We've asked ourselves, "How did we get here?" Sometimes, we don't even remember why we started acting out in the first place. We tell ourselves that the next sexual act will be better and more lasting, but it never is.
We are addicted to the intrigue, the tease, and the forbidden. We jeopardize our relationships, jobs, morals and values; we even neglect our children. All the while, we rationalize our sexual behaviors. We ask ourselves, "What will a little fantasy hurt," or "What they don't know, won't hurt them." As we live a double-life, we become disconnected from reality making true intimacy with another impossible. We carry this behavior from relationship to relationship and even into our marriages.
Our behaviors range from sex with self, phone sex, cyber sex, and pornography. We engaged in promiscuity, illicit relationships, and multiple-adultery. For some of us it is exotic dancing, escort services and prostitution. We used our bodies, intentionally dressed provocatively, and performed for others, creating an illusion that gave us a false sense of self-worth.

Why? We were running; running from love; running from pain; pain from shame, self-hate, and multiple forms of abuse. We lacked self-worth and feared intimacy. We tried to connect; we tried to escape. We felt abandoned. We had a need to be in control and have power over others. Spiritually, we were bankrupt. We have learned to numb our feelings and to cope with our inadequacies by reaching out for a cure that would ultimately destroy us. This unhealthy belief system was not in line with the plan God had for our sexuality.

Eventually, our behaviors resulted in losing relationships, our marriages, jobs, and material possessions and in some cases, our children. We were driven to spend more time thinking about and carrying out our addiction. We lived in denial to avoid recognizing just how much of our life was controlled by our addiction. For many, the risks of sexual transmitted diseases (STD's) are now a reality. And finally, we hit a bottom.

As we yield to God, temptation begins to lose its control over us. When we admit we are powerless and give our lives and our will over to God, He works in us, and we begin enjoying a healthy new balance in ourlives. Leaning on and learning from others in the program, we continue to walk in His strength, gaining true freedom from lust and sin through obedience to Christ our Lord.

The Solution

  • Commit to Jesus Christ and the 8 Recovery Principals.
  • Form an Accountability Team: Sponsor, Accountability Partners.
  • Commit to a daily quiet time in The Celebrate Recovery Bible.
  • Identify triggers.
  • Avoid cross over addictions - food / eating disorders, alcohol / drugs.
  • Avoid people, places, and things that tempt your addiction.
  • Understand the root of each core issue you identify with and become willing to experience grief, forgiveness, and acceptan
  • Accept God's standards for sexuality.
  • Allow God total access to our minds (thought life) and through the program and change your belief system towards your sexuality.

Sexual Addiction - Breaking It Down

Addictive behaviors:
  • Multiple adultery
  • Illicit relationships
  • Sex with self (masturbation)
  • Sexual thoughts/fantasy
  • Pornography
  • Promiscuity
  • Internet chat rooms
  • Internet cyber sex
  • Phone sex
  • Internet affairs
  • Exhibitionism
  • Exotic dancing
  • Serving as an escort/prostitute
  • Couple swapping
  • Non-committal in relationship
  • Dressing provocatively
  • Sexual encounters/sexual relationships with same sex (homosexuality)
  • Relationships with both men and women (bi-sexuality)
  • Secret double life
  • Entering into high-risk behaviors and/or situations
Characteristics that fuel Sexual Addiction:
  • Lust and the desire to be lusted after
  • Control and power
  • Anger and rage
  • Rebelliousness
  • Selfishness
  • Extreme justification
  • Lack of accountability (blame game)
  • Resentments
  • Revenge
  • Self-centeredness
  • Self-destruction
  • Pride
  • Jealousy
  • Competitiveness
  • Isolation
  • Running from love
Core Issues:
  • Running from love
  • Fear of true intimacy
  • False intimacy
  • Fear of commitment
  • False self-image
  • Self-hate
  • Lack of self-worth
  • Low self-image
  • Need to control
  • Lack of nurturing
  • Escape
  • Loneliness
  • Guilt
  • Shame
  • Spiritual void
Core causes:
  • Sexual abuse
  • Emotional abuse
  • Verbal abuse
  • Physical abuse
  • Abandonment